Nice Guys Always…

July 28, 2006

Most listened: Jamiroquai Live in Verona

Current longing: No more work!

I’ve had this idea in my head for over a year now about how nice guys always finish last. You see I am a ‘nice guy’ and I always seem to finish last. Lemme explain my story, it may be a long one:

I’m a year 12 student at the new Trinity College campus; Trinity College Senior. I haven’t always been at Trinity, my first year at Trinity was in grade 7 at the Blakeview campus. Before then I spent my junior years at Craigmore South Primary school. A great school indeed. It was great because it wisely used most what little it had.

I think that many students here aren’t very fortunate of what they have. To a degree neither am I but in comparison I am very fortunate for it. I have always been a hardworker and I always work hard for whatever I get. I think that Craigmore South built me up for that, well the early years.

I remember when I was in year 7 my first year at Blakeview, Chris(my twin brother) was one of the smartest in the grade. I was fairly average, I always tried really hard to get my average scores. What stands out now is how hard people use to work, how important they thought their education was. Many of them worked harder then than they do now.

Every lesson that I go to is filled with people not working hard, they just don’t want to do work so they don’t do it. Every fucking lesson I go to I cannot work and keep up with my heavy work load because other people choose not to work. I believe that I have worked very hard to get where I am now. I think of how lucky I am to be at such a prestigious school.

As I said I try very hard at my work, I usually work during the start of the day with the 15 minutes that I get, during recess and lunch time and again for homework. A constant blaze of attempted hard work. This is the only way that I can seem to keep up.

So what about these other smoes that talk during every lesson and don’t do any work. Well you know what? They are the ones that ‘succeed’ . They are the ones that go well in tests of which they are unfamiliar with what its all about. They are the ‘bless-ed’ ones that can just pick something up and know all about it in no time. I guess that makes me one of the unlucky ones. Doesn’t it?

Well I’ll tell you what? I am fucking sick of working so damn fucking hard and getting no where. I am at the bottom of the hole and can’t stand it. I can feel it in my tense skin. And I just want to let someone who is ‘lucky’ know how it feels to work so damn hard and yet get nowhere.

Thats the thing that absolutely tears me apart, some idiot knob that wouldn’t put it an ouncling of effort that I continue to put into everything that I do is on the path to getting a TER score(overall rank) higher than myself. And it isn’t fair whatsoever. It just rips me apart and I don’t know how much longer I can deal with it before I blow my roof.

I really do hate it beyond description. Seeya later.

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Blow your mind

July 17, 2006

Most listened: Jack Johnson

Current longing: Not sure, same as last week I spose

I’ve had plenty of time to think about this new life path mentioned in the last entry. It’s really strange as I have been doing this graphic stuff for a few years now and have had so much time for opportunity. Man I hate when I think like this, what I could have been doing, why do I punish myself like this.

I’ve recently been gathering some resources and preparing some new ideas. I have a few good ideas in the making but they are a while off yet. I’ve found a brilliant site with loads of really useful tutorials that I am checking out. I still need to find a better graphics board to post at. I just want to find a decent place where the members provide some decent critique.

Looking at what other artists have created in such short times, at such a young age is rather intimidating. This is doubly worse when I have been doing it for fun for a while and still ain’t that great. Thinking about it I think that the main reason why I haven’t flourished as much as the other artists is because they try new things were I have stuck to a set path. Although saying that I am comparing myself(who at the time was doing it for fun) to people that want to be artists. So obviously they would do that etc. Its strange when I think about it because I have literally only been an artist for a few days. I have learnt so much and yet feel so behind. I mean I have progressed heaps in the past few days. So I should easily be able to get extremely good in a month or so.

Recently photography has been at the forefront of my find as well. With Avcon on the weekend it brought up the topic. I have thought of several places to have a wander around and take some photos when I finally save enough for this D-SLR camera. It makes me feel so great. I have many good ideas.

Altho ’till next time.

+DP

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Creative Edge

July 14, 2006

Most listened: Angel + Unfinished Sympathy-Massive Attack

Current longing: To put this creative edge to work

When a sword is used too much over t it becomes blunt and less effective. Sure it can still do its job but to the same degree? No. Every now and then it needs to be refiled and sharpened, perhaps even improved upon from its original form. That’s how I feel I have been in the past few months. Well sorta, its the best analogie that I could come up with.

I really haven’t felt myself for the past few months, at the time I related it to being several things. I felt so empty and transparent. This continued on for a few months with varying degrees of strength(I guess). I’ve lacked a certain spark in me. This would have been due to many many circumstances that have piled up. It can be noted by my lack of wit and sharpness, my dreary state and lack of ambition.

As I mentioned on my dA intro I have 4 passions. You could say that I have lost some of the passion. I just lost that keenness. Losing ones ambitions losses ones self. So it would explain why I haven’t felt myself.

My descriptive attitude is a personal strength of mine. A talent of which I believe to be born with. You can tell that it hasn’t been there in my blog writing, lack of forum activity etc.

After conversing these feelings to my brother, I feel(thanks to him) revived. Which is good.

Anyways to my fabulous news. I have decided what to pursue in life, well what to do for my Uni course. But firstly some background. I did some research into courses available. To be honest there wasn’t much that interested me. I hate all of this engineering stuff so I didn’t wanna choose that. In the end I chose 2 courses that interested me, one was engineering believe it or not. It was Civil engineering, I think that it requires chemistry as assumed knowledge which is bad. The other one was Computing and Multimedia. Ah mess that…I’m thinking of getting into graphics as a career. Programming wasn’t for me, Chinese doesn’t offer enough benefits, so I guess this is it. I have always been into art, I love digital art and would love to get better at it. There’s plenty of job opportunity and people to meet. Quite good money as well. I can’t see why not. The only downfall is that I need plenty of practice at it. But I have ample time for that.

So over the past few days I have been working on trying some new techniques. I guess from here I just flourish in everything and also try and be a bit more +ve on life. I’m still working on my portfolio/blog site. If anyone knows much about good wordpress image plugins then give me a yell would ya.

On a final note RIP Mtey.com the best Jamiroquai resource on the web.

Best entry I have wrote in ages

Love ya’

+DP

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