Writing Out the Homesickness

February 28, 2009

Something that I didn’t really think about, even up to the day I left Shanghai was how much I would miss the place. Just like going there in the first place, coming back felt right. It felt like the thing I needed to do; I’d done my time and now I can go back and ponder the thought for a while.

Even being home, doesn’t stop me from being home sick. It feels like a good part of me has fragmented off and waiting for the other half to return to Shanghai. I haven’t just left part of myself over there, I’ve also left some of my dearest friends from the last couple of years. My regular Chinese friends since studying Uni have all more or less left me, or in fact remained where they are. I guess this is the problem which such circumstances, you can never have everyone you love together in the same place, and if so, it’s over before you realize it.

Before I went to Shanghai, over the holiday break several of my friends returned to their homeland, in which I followed (albeit to different places) shortly after for the exchange. When I came back to Australia, they all stayed put of course.

It’s not all bad, a couple of my friends are still here, or will be returning about now in time for the new semester. That’s comforting to have. Still, I sometimes feel terribly homesick even within my own home. It’s not a good feeling to have, and I know that even if I return later in the year, the other side of homesickness will occur.

Whatever the case, this is only a “sometimes” issue. While I miss my former life as a Shanghai expat, I just try and move on with what I’m doing. I still keep in contact with my good friends, more or less everyday which is great. I sure do miss them though.

On another note, I’m rather determined to make this year a year of words – corny! My University timetable is surprisingly slim through to year’s end, so really I’d love to use my free time writing as much as I can. I’m still clueless on what occupation I plan on occupying(!) once I graduate. Looking around on various job websites has made me even further dumbfounded. For now, I know three things; I enjoy writing, I would like to return to China sometime and this year I have ample time to kill. Put those things together and it’s rather telling of how I plan to disperse my time.

Considering that I have some workable subject matter, I’d also like to make this blog a little more prominent than just an emo-dump. At the same time, I’ve started a new Chinese only blog in which I can use to practice since I don’t have any formalized Chinese classes this year – as by personal decision. My goal is to eventually break down the barrier that I have between writing, publishing and posting, so that I can post more frequently, write more fluently and overall get all of my ideas out with much greater ease. Especially for my games blog, every post feels like a package that requires superfluous amounts of work for a single post.

I’m not suggesting some dip in quality. No, no, the quality control is in check, I just want to make the process a little more fluid and dynamic, to open up a wider platform of content delivery.

And that about does it for now. Still trying to figure out how exactly to write about my experience away. It really feels so overbearing that I have to cover so much, at least I have the time and space for it. Just gotta chunk it out now.